Wednesday, April 10, 2013

My spine is NOT a violin

So the day before yesterday I sat down to write and realized I didn't have anything to write about again because my life stopped blowing up so I thought I'd write a story from my past but then IT BLEW UP AGAIN!

Ok, only sort of. I woke up all pukey...I mean really pukey and I went to the doctor and they thought my gall bladder stabbed me but apparently my stomach just hates me and the diagnosis was "well, it's not the gall bladder so...I dunno" and now I'm not pukey but I feel like someone punched me in the chest until they reached my spine then they grabbed said spine and tried to play it like a violin.

My spine is NOT a violin. But, if it were, at least I might be hearing pretty music right now though, with my luck, the person doing it would be a 4th grader just learning how to play and thinking they're really good and then they'll call their mom in because they finally learned Hot Cross Buns but I will have had to hear all the shitty screw ups on the way to learning Hot Cross Buns and I'll just be like, "NO LADY, your son/daughter SUCKS at the violin! Don't encourage it!" And then she'll slap me because that's a mean thing to say to a 4th grader and he/she is trying really hard and you should hear the other kids in the class. Now THEY suck!

I think I had a point but I lost it in the gaping hole in my chest.

And this is what I would look like if I HAD a gaping hole in my chest.
(Warning: if you are squeamish about horribly drawn cartoon chest holes DO NOT SCROLL DOWN!)

 Oh, and, in case you're wondering, I do, in fact have arms, legs AND a head. I'm too lazy to draw them but, I assure you, I am fully equipped in those areas.

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