Thursday, March 28, 2013

What to expect (and NOT)

As promised here's what you can expect from my blog:

-Curse words. Sometimes, probably a whole shit-ton of curse words. If you're not comfortable with "FUCK" you should probably not be here. Someday, if people make me famous and enough people want to share my blog with kids (for some weird reason) maybe I'll change my ways but for now, expect to be offended, non-cursers

-Made-up words (and phrases) "cursers" (pl. n. a group of people who say things like fuck, shit and ass and are okay with that)

-Ellipses...I like them...a bunch...can you tell?

-Poor advice. And lots of it. Since I can't blog about the things I DO and KNOW I'm going to blog about the things I DON'T do and DON'T know (and why I don't) and probably people will think I'm fuck-crazy but probably other people are fuck-crazy too...the only difference between me and them is that I am crazy out loud.

-Poorly drawn pictures. Like this one:

Let's be honest, these are just for my amusement (It's a dog, in case you're wondering)

-Other random things I think up during any given day

Things you should NOT expect from my blog:

-Things to make sense. I try not to bore people with sense making whenever I can. 

-Continuity. Yes, vaguely speaking, this is a blog about the things I don't do/know/care about but you should probably be warned that I can't be expected to hold to that all the time. That would involve paying attention and/or having half an idea what I'm doing on any given day. I probably have ADD but I never remember to talk to my doctor about it because I get distracted. Consider yourself warned! Wanna ride bikes?

-Perfect grammar. (see: Made-up words [and phrases] above) And, if it weren't for spellcheck, you wouldn't be able to rely on perfect spelling either, to be honest. It's not that I don't care or even that I don't know, necessarily that my grammar's just that sometimes my fingers get ahead of my brain and there goes my sentence structure. I would reread my posts and edit accordingly but that would also involve paying attention and I have a problem with that. So, be prepared for half-assed posts, foul language and complete English language fails. Just consider yourself lucky that it's not handwritten because then you would be SCREWED! (ok, really it would be me who'd be screwed because you would give up because you are a smart person and should not be expected to put up with that bullshit)

Still reading? Well, hell, I underestimated you, Reader. I would have thought you'd given up on me half-way through. Good for you! Give yourself a pat on the back for making it through my first two posts!