I do NOT have a blog

People keep telling me I should have a blog because I am apparently funny or amusing in some way (though I'm not entirely convinced I'm not just being laughed at) 

I read some blogs (like The Bloggess and Hyperbole and a Half and others) which are all hilarious and intelligent and thoughtful and just really freaking awesome and I'm thinking to myself, "Self, how the HELL are you going to write a blog that is even a smidge as great as those?" (smidge is totally a word...because I just made it up. Besides this is a conversation I'm having with myself I can use my made up words if I wanna) 

So I thought, okay, I need a TOPIC. That's where people start, right? 

Okay, what do I know stuff about?

....

Um...

....

I'm pretty good at ellipses...

And looking up the plural form of ellipsis...

...

Nope, can't write a blog about that. Let's try again *reads more blogs* OH! Sometimes people do things and have lives that are INTERESTING and they write about THAT! I could be like my form of a mommy blogger or something!

Okay, what do I do that's interesting?

....

Um....

*sweating*

....

I GET NERVOUS IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS!

No, that's not interesting. That's just a sweaty ball of crazy in the corner of the party.

I....

...um......

Nope, I've got nothin'...

WAIT! That's IT! I'll write a blog about the things I DON'T do! That could be a GOLDMINE! Or it could fall flat on it's non-bloggy face. Whatever, it'll be fun!

So, without further ado, I give you WHAT NOT TO ROO! Stay tuned for a detailed list of what you can (and what you shouldn't) expect from this crazy thing!